I have three young kids (three babies in just over four years!) so in my house we are really in the trenches at the moment. Obviously, every parent has their own individual challenges, no matter how many kids you have, and some kids are definitely higher or lower maintenance so it really can be the luck of the draw in terms of how easy or hard you have it. I will hold my hands up and admit that individually, all my kids are actually fairly easy and fall onto the lower maintenance end of the scale. However, collectively, it is a different matter and it can be very hard core!!
Recently, my husband was away for five days at a conference so I had the pleasure of sampling single parenthood for the duration. Despite my absolute joy every night once bedtime was done, I wasn’t long getting bored and a bit lonely most nights so on my last night before my knight in shining armour returned, I took to musing on what are the most annoying/frustrating/unexpected things about parenting that I have experienced in my 4.5 years so far of being a mom. Although I have no doubt that I will be dealing with a whole new set of challenges as the kids get older, here is my current list of things I will not miss about being a parent of babies/toddlers:
1. I f*****g hate Weetabix! Yes it’s healthy and good and I’m lucky that my 4 year old loves it and asks for it every day. But mother of Jesus, what is that shit made of. Firstly, it must be the most absorbent matter on the planet, each biscuit seems to soak up about 14 litres of milk In nano seconds. Then, it hardens to an indestructible cement, I mean diamonds have nothing on this bad boy! It gets everywhere, faces, hair, the table AND it does not come off without a fight! I have pulled off some impressive WWF moves in order to pin my son down while trying to wipe/scrape/pick the crispy flakes off his eyebrows! I might just take it upon myself write to the minister for housing and put forward my solution for the Pyrite shambles: Weetabix filler for all shoddy foundations and building work! You’re welcome Ireland.
2. See above and replace “Weetabix” for ” Play Doh”! Have you ever tried to scrape play doh from the sole of a kids shoe? Or pick it out of your carpet? Once you have, you will understand why I will never ever give Play Doh as a present and why I will kind of hate you a little bit when you give it to my child. And you obviously already hate me a little bit for doing so, so we’re even.
3. Ive fallen for all the promises and bought every cup and beaker going but am still yet to find a “Super duper non-spill no-leaks” sippy cup! My almost 2 year old has a promising future in NASA to test anti gravity equipment! Every liquid in our house has made it to floor.
4. There is nothing quite as annoying as a toddler who has decided they want to start talking to people on the phone! You will never have a phone conversation again without your little angel swinging from your leg roaring hello and bye bye REPEATEDLY! Cute when it’s your mom or sister, morto when your trying to make a dental appointment!
5. There is no feeling quite as amazing as the moment you find yourself in that crouchy/tippy toe braced/statue pose on the landing waiting for confirmation that there is SILENCE from every room! They are asleep! Cue solo (and silent) victory dance/twerking combo and a ridiculous level of excitement not really appropriate for 8.30 on a Tuesday evening when all that awaits is the washing up, mopping the floor and a recorded episode of Million Dollar Listing!
6. Four year old boys are ridiculously messy when they wee. How they manage to get it into the toilet while also simultaneously splashing the toilet seat, the floor, under the seat, their pants, jeans and shoes is beyond me!
7. Hell hath no fury like a little girl who doesn’t want to get her hair done. But just to make a complete asshole out of you, she will go to crèche with a knotty, sticky, birds nest and will return with a silky French plait because she spent the afternoon lying in her teachers lap getting her hair done. Go figure!!
8. Kids and remote controls – gaaahhhh!!!
9. I defy anyone to find me a work out as effective as the “sprint up and down the stairs 20 times a day” work out! The advanced version consists of also hanging one, two or even three children from various body parts for some additional strength training
10. The TSUNAMI of bodily fluids is relentless and endless. Nappies to change, puke to mop up, potties to empty, noses to wipe, dribbles to wipe, arses to wipe, soiled beds to strip………… I dream of the day when everyone is old enough to take care of their own shit…..literally!
So that’s my list for now. Tune in for future musings as the list evolves! Feel free to share your parenting best bits so far, nothing like a good old rant to clear the head.